The Question

Have you ever asked yourself the question? You know that one question that will change the trajectory of your life forever? No, I am not talking about 'will you marry me'. The question I am referring to is: 'what do I want to do'. What do I really want to do? I know this may seem somewhat laconic, but the thoughts and emotions it exudes are not simple.

In my opinion this is one of the most disarming questions you could ask yourself. How many times in your life have you sat at the cusp of a major decision and felt lost? How many times have you played mental games to answer this query? Too many to count is my response. An answer to this simple phrase consistently eludes my grasp as I undulate between other such questions as: 'what are my gifts', 'what if what I want isn't good for me', and 'what if I don't get what I want'. You may feel the same.

I also find that evading this question is a typical mechanism I use to avoid digging further into myself. If I don't have to answer such a simple question, then maybe I won't have to think about the other questions in the previous paragraph. If I don't really have huge desires or wants, then there really isn't any room to fail, right? True, but if you don't have a want then how can you actually succeed?

At this point in my life I am in the midst of this frustrating question. I am not sure what I really want. Do I want to be a teacher? Do I want to be a counselor? Do I want to be both? Do I want to attend graduate school? These questions are swirling around in my head, and as I begin to answer one, another question arises that seeks to challenge it. Trust me, it is far more frustrating than you think - or maybe you know exactly what I mean.

My encouragement to you (and to myself) is to keep the question. Do not avoid this question, ever, for the rest of your life. I think a lot of people forgot that they could have wants and desires. They are stuck in a boring job or boring relationship and they are afraid to ask 'what do I want to do'. Don't let this be you and please don't let this be me.

So....what do you want to do?

My dog

Since I haven't blogged in quite some time, I figured it only appropriate to reenter this world with something profound. For those of you who dislike canines, this may not be profound, but for the rest of you out there (those loved most by God) you realize that getting a dog is, in fact, profound.

His name is _______ and here is his story. I was looking on craiglist for quite some time and and passed a multitude of dog "rehoming" posts. To my knowledge it is illegal to sell a dog on craiglist especially if it is lacking the proper shots, training, paperwork, etc. But, I stumbled across a post for a set a brothers who were half retriever and half black lab. They looked like great dogs, but I regretfully passed. A week went by and I wasn't having he greatest of luck, despite finding Sarge and checking him out. Sarge was a good dog, but he wasn't for me.

So, I patiently waited and sure enough the brothers had been reposted. So, I figured I would give them a shot. I emailed for more information and within two days had a call from Suzy. She runs a out-of-the-home animal shelter in a nearby town. I headed up there yesterday to talk with her and meet Cowboy (this is obviously no longer his name) and Dallas. Per my conversations with Suzy, I knew I would like ______ better so I decided to walk him first. He was perfect, despite the neurotic behavior and jumping up on me on multiple occasions :). I then walked Dallas, for about half as long before we headed back. Needless to say, Dallas was not my favorite.

I proceeded to shoot the shit with Suzy about the dogs' upbringing and their crazy owner who would fail to keep the under control or in the yard. She and her kids minimally trained them and threatened Suzy that she would just euthanize them unless Suzy took them in. There is more to the story, but that will suffice. After our conversation, I left feeling excited, but not 100% sure. So, being the thoughtful and patient person I am, I waited 24 hours to decide - that sounds appropriate for a drastic life change, right?

I called Suzy today, told her I was getting _________, went to Tree of Life (which I highly recommend) with Alanna and mom, worked out, bought pet supplies, went straight to Schlotsky's Deli, and drove 40 minutes to get _________. I was anxious, worried, semi-regretful, and stoked. We did the necessary paperwork, and I boosted ___________ into the back of my Honda. He watched out for about five minutes and laid down for the rest of the drive.

Fast-forward 3 hours and he has officially met Alanna and Trevor, successfully laid down, sat, laid on his bed, played ball, got brushed, did his duties, and is officially asleep on the floor next to me. I got lucky.

P.S. If you want to see pictures of him checkout my facebook at http://www.facebook.com/evengle. I am deciding whether to name him Captain and calling him Cap or Cap'n or Calvin and calling him Cal. If you want to vote, post on the facebook album or comment on this blog post!

You know you're in Texas...

So my work has officially brought me to the second largest state in the U.S. I am now sitting in my new home, The Fairfield Inn by Marriott, for 6 days. I will try to keep up with my blogging as there will probably be daily adventures, stories, mistakes, etc. But for tonight, I leave you with a couple observations of this state.

1. Everyone is really nice.... even nicer than people in California (Westmont parents who are strangers to me already invited me over for dinner)
2. Everything is bigger; stores, roads, bugs (there was a 4" dragonfly outside my hotel), etc
3. It is humid
4. Walmart exists
5. People have names like Marilyn
6. The accent....


Goodnight y'all!

Cribbage: A Tribute

     This post is my tribute to a good friend who without fail, manages to embarrass me every time we cut the deck. As many of you know, I am somewhat of a competitive person. I take pride in the things I can win or accomplish and believe I have less to contribute to society if I do not win. Although this is a dramatic manifestation of my thoughts, it nonetheless paints a picture of how I feel. And although I enjoy the thrill of competing or trying new things, it typically enter in with some form of fear that I really could lose. Tonight was no exception.

    So tonight, as Hannah and I sat down at the table in Coffee Bean, and opened the fresh batch of cards, I thought, "I could WIN tonight." The first cut started us off as she drew the 6 of Spades and I the Queen of Hearts. It had begun well in my eyes only to remember her saying, "low card wins." Perfect. The game continued in this same sort of manner as I approached the "stink hole" (yes this is the real term for the last hole in the game). I was about three away as she managed to get a hand of over 14 and be shortly behind by about 6. I had a clear win, right? Nope, as I hit the 120th hole, I stopped and she proceeded to beat me by one fricking point. 1 - 0. She proceeded to beat me the next game by about 10 points, and I was able to salvage the last of my dignity by winning the last game. We ended 2 - 1 for the night. Thus, in addition to the last time we played, we are at a total score of 5-1.

     Although losing is not a pleasant experience, I think it is necessary. Afterall, the saying goes, "You win some; you lose some." The winning portion must hold true outside of my card games with Hannah I guess.

    

    

Dreams

Wow, I guess I am a bit blog crazy right now. I figure that since I rarely post on my blog I might as well post a couple times at once when I am really "feeling it". The last thought I wanted to get out was that I have decided to write down my dreams in my journal. My small group talked about it last year and I did it for a little while, but stopped shortly, like I do with most things. But, the book "The Road Less Travelled" by M. Scott Peck talked about dreams and how they can be a sign of grace to us and show us things in our unconscious of which our conscious is unaware such as problems we have or perceptions of the world. I also heard that the more you write down your dreams, the more you remember them. And experimentally this has been validated. I have written the past three mornings and each time the journal entry is more elaborate and vivid as I recall these dreams. You should try it sometime...it's pretty cool.

Self"ishness"

Today I learned a lot more about myself and those around me. That is I "learned" a lot. It is important for me to make the distinction between learning and "learning." The former requires one or sometimes multiple experiences actually teach me more about myself, others, or the world around me. The latter is merely a learning that is limited in the fact that it requires no real encounter with an insight or piece of knowledge. For example: I "learned" through reading a book about love and life, that a parent must give constant assurance and forms of affection to an infant. Simple right? No, not really. Not until I become a parent who has a child, and sweats and prays over he or she, hoping he or she will develop into a confident and secure adult will I be able to learn (without quotations) this important fact. Although this may seem irrelevant to the rest of my post, I want each of you to keep in mind that everything you come to understand has more than one layer; the layer of "learning" and learning. I am finding this to be true in the case of the sundry insights of the day.

My mother has always been a huge encourager of discovering oneself and how one views and interacts with others. To put it simply, she loves personality tests. Although tiring at times; I freaking love this sort of thing as well. The last Socratic test came during this past Thanksgiving. It is a very unique and complex assessment of humans who fit into one of 9 different categories. My mother and I spent a fair amount of time dissecting this specific test in hopes of finding exactly what number I am. After a couple hours I came to the conclusion I am a "5" or the Observer or Investigator. Since this may mean nothing to you I encourage you to go to this link: http://www.enneagram.com/index.html and find out what I mean. I would also LOVE it is you posted a comment on my wall telling me what your type is...

I decided to stop writing this post last night, because I was clearly getting tired and unfocused. So I do apologize for the abrupt transition, but here are my new thoughts. So last night I said that I learned a few neat things about myself and one of them was my Enneagram Personality type. It is interesting to see now how I view others. I have found myself assessing my friends and family members and complete strangers wondering what their type is. It is knid of neat to see. For instance, I always knew that when I was feeling good I had a very childlike spirit, wanting to do many many things and not really committing to anything completely, but jumping around from one to the next. That is because a type 5 tends to act like a seven when they are not stressed. Conversely, I act like an 8 when I am anxious or frustrated. Therefore I become combative and angry. I can look for some sort of argument or means through which to vent. I am also very prone to have a lot of knowledge and insight on various aspects of life and am frequently seeking more understanding. This can lead me to be very closed however, and keep my knowledge to myself and withhold my time, energy, or self from others. My parents and I were joking that I am a bit like Gollum and treat myself as My Precious sometimes :). Lastly, each Enneagram type correlates to a specific "Deadly Sin". My typical sin is greed, which makes sense. So I guess I am a greedy SOB.

I also read "the Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman yesterday and realized that I am mostly someone who receives love through Acts of Service, and Secondly, I enjoy Quality Time. Once again, I would LOVE to hear what your love language is. I really want to be able to learn how the people around me feel loved. What a neat experiment it would be to cater the way I love others specifically. The reason this is important to me is because I constantly find myself frustrated when I do something for another and don't get the reaction or result I hoped for. I someone says something really nice about me and yet I still may not feel like they really care about me. So....I want to learn how to love others better. Needless to say, I "learned" a lot about myself and am excited to see the ways in which these insights will come into play in my everyday in order that I may truly know them.

The Life of an Adm. Counselor Pt. 1

So...the life of an Admission Counselor is very unique. I am traveling from city to city in CA for about 8 weeks! I would probably be going insane if it were not for music, a bluetooth, and the fact that I like to drive. I am able to sing loudly to some of my favorite artists such as Josh Garrels, Alicia Keyes, Nickel Creek, Black Eyed Peas, etc... I have also been able to rekindle some friendships with people I rarely speak to. And liking to drive is just plain weird, but for those of you who know me well, the alone time and thinking about life is a plus.

I wish I started this Saga about three weeks ago, because it would be chock full of funny stories that I am unable to recall right now, but here are some of my favorites so far.

1. Student in front of a class of 30 students: "So do people like drink at your school?" Me: "Yes, apple juice is really good for you."

2. "Do you have Christian Massage?" (this actually happened to Jessica, not me :( )

3. Having my first car-wash when your car gets scrubbed and sprayed and rinsed and dried; the little wheels on the track push your car along

4. Entering the I-90 with a group of 10 UPS trucks

5. Making at least 5 U-Turns in one day

6. Logically inept woman telling me her daughter can't go to Westmont because we have fires...

7. A parent herding me into a corner about financial aid and the rules on campus, to see if I will mess up

8. 6 girls showing up for my presentation because they saw me at a fair and thought I was cute. Clearly I do whatever it takes to lure 'em in

9. Students shaking my hand very firmly and making sure to say their first and last name in order to stand out from the crowd.... as if I will remember

10. A high school counselor making me a cup of coffee and chatting for an hour about Westmont and life; no students showed up

11. Learning street names in Fresno, Bakersfield, Modesto, Visalia... it will be very helpful for the vacations I plan to the central valley

12. Speaking with no microphone, in an auditorium, to 70 students

13. Crying after my visit to a school

14. Getting a beer with my waitress after she got off work

15. Having dinner with counselors from APU, Cal Baptist, William Jessup, and Point Loma to celebrate Ryan's (Point Loma) B-day away from home and his wife.

There is rarely ever a dull moment as you can see, and I plan to do a few more of these lists when events or stories come up in my days.

Although work literally is my life right now, I feel completely blessed. Love you all

For Hayley

This little poem is for Hayley

She's wanted me to post daily

Mostly because she doesn't like weddings

It's all she sees on my headings

But just to let you know

When words don't come, they definitely can't flow

So I have taken my sweet time

And it has been just fine

And now I have a poem for you

And all the words I say are true

If you have patience with me

A personal poem you get to see

And now I conclude this small note

Be careful not to gloat

It is a poem for you

so koo-koo-ka-choo

Weddings

Weddings have officially been a big part of my life in the last three months. And it is fair to say they are the most enjoyable party I have yet to experience. What could be better than spending a night of your life with your favorite people, in a beautiful setting, celebrating one of the closest loves to that of the love God has for us? Oh and did I mention the wine and dancing?

There is something most freeing about getting loose and dancing the night away. For me, dancing can be one of the most therapeutic and joyous activities. I imagine that when the bible speaks of the being a time to mourn and a time to dance, it is referring to the dancing in a wedding. I believe weddings and funerals give the perfect earthly examples of reasons to mourn and to dance. In this sense weddings and funerals are opposite ends of the spectrum. I think the world tells us to think this way. For in death there is only sorrow. But a wise man whom is very dear to me has taught me the joy that there is in death.

My father has always joked about being ready to go and die. He puts a disapproving face on my mom when he says, "yeah it wouldn't be so bad to die, I'd get to blow this joint." I typically frown and ask how he could think this way. But, as the saying goes: like father like son. I think my dad is right. A funeral may be a reason for just as much celebration as a wedding. Shouldn't we all be jumping for joy to return home, and to spend eternity with the One who loves us best. I sure know I am! But let's return to weddings so I can conclude this post.

While we do have something great to look forward to in death, there is much to celebrate in life. And I am blessed to have been a part of so many celebrations of these last few months. How exciting it is to see time and trouble, and patience, and ultimate care climax in a grand joining of two people. There are few things like it on this earth, and I desire to know that same joy for my own. For now, I have patience and I celebrate what I DO have. For I know He will give me the desires of my heart. And He will do the same for you.

Crossword

Tanner Judkins came "home" today. I say "home" because he doesn't really live here, but I consider him when I think of someone who has such a strong role in my life. With some people you spend a month apart and you forget who they are and how to talk to them, but it's not like that for me with Tanner. We didn't miss a beat. The main evidence I have for this bold statement, is that we spent most of our time together working on a crossword puzzle and making food. We then went to Heather's play and exchanged jabs and winks as we sat in the audience. I get excited thinking about his wedding which arrives in one week. It is a meaningful time for all of us and I feel honored to know someone who makes me feel at home; he is one of the few that I consider a brother.