Potter's Clay

Potter's Clay!!!!

Most of you know exactly what this is, but for any of you who are unaware, Potter's Clay is a week long missions trip to Ensenada Mexico. There are different teams ranging from VBS, Sports, Med/Dent, Prayer and Worship, and construction. This year I had the great opportunity to be lead a construction team who built the second story of the church Nueva Cancion, New Song. This was one of the most wonderful experiences that was full of joy, laughter, danger and tears. Getting to know the pastor who would be using the church was one of the greatest opportunities that I have been able to have. Lalo and Felie and David and Jayelle, and Daniella were the names of the family members for which we served. Coming away from the trip has been a really tough experience. During the course of the week, our team bonded really well and had some really great times. Our contractors, Jim and Todd were such amazing men of God who worked tirelessly and were such men of God. They trusted us well and challenged us during the week to stretch ourselves and to learn some of the in's and out's of construction. On Thursday, our contractor Todd had a terrible accident and was electrocuted by 13,000 volts and was feet from falling of a 30ft. roof. Jim caught him from falling and the ambulance lowered him from the roof after about 30 minutes, to ensure he was stable enough to move. He is doing pretty well considering the circumstances, but has suffered 4th degree burns on his head and 1st and 2nd on his arm and torso. He was definitely in the Lords hands and was kept safe as a lot of things could have gone very wrong. How greatly our Lord provides in time of need and how he prepares each and every one of us for anything and everything that comes to pass. That was the focus of one of my prayers before the event, that we would remember that we are prepared for anything and everything and that the Lord will not give us anything we cannot handle.

Leading was such a neat experience for me and difficult at times as well. My past experience leading had been a very difficult and hard experience for me so I was nervous about having something like that happen again, and there were a lot of insecurities hanging around my ability to lead a construction team with my limited ability and knowledge of it. I also felt insecure in whether or not I was really meant to lead and feeling bad in the ways in which I could speak more to the pastor and the family and longing for the ability to speak their language and communicate and tell them how much it meant to be a part of their community. Sometimes it felt like just being present or giving eye contact said a lot, but I was broken for the ways in which I wanted to be more involved in the community and with the people of Ensenada. I saw other members feel more confident in their communication, or others be very able and capable in the areas of construction and I found myself facing so many of my insecurities and inability. I wanted to be able to forget these feelings and to not be so inwardly focused, but it was so hard. So now I am in a time of processing and thinking about what I can learn from this experience and how I want to be confident and secure in my abilities and the things that I did do really well. I want so badly to be able to change and to grow from this, but it seems like there is so much to decompress and unpack that I feel overwhelmed, so that is why I am writing in this blog.

I want to be a different person. I want to be confident and selfless. I want to love others despite the ways that I can't and be able to see that although I am weak and unable that the Lord will do so much beyond my ability and despite my insecurities. I want to do and not to worry and go inot things feeling like the Lord will be there and will use me in mighty ways. I don't want to be about abilities and things and my posessions. I want to live freely without them and not be chained down by the glamour and materialism. My dorm room has nicer equipment than the whole church had combined. I feel so small and insignificant, and yet that I am gifted with so many things. I want to sell my things and give them away. I want to see people and give gifts and spend time with others. I don't want to do homework. I want to just be in my room and seek out others and love them because I have nothing to lose. That I have lost everything so there is no more fear. I want to walk down the streets singing the Lord's praises knowing that there is nothing I can do without him and nothing that can hurt me. That the Lord is good and He will provide. I want people to love and to care for one another and to recognize the pain and the sadness and be a part of the healing. I want to be grateful and live a life of gratitude for my family and my friends and my education, and my food, and my bed, and my underwear. How gifted I am and what do I do with all these things? I well up in myself and my things and I roll around in the praises of others, and I come away feeling more guilty and more incomplete than ever before. I don't want praises, but I want Jesus. Lord please do a mighty work in me, and I know it may take a long time for me to truly learn so many of these things with which I am wrestling, but please he me to know that now I am. That now I can rely on you and that through my weakness, you are strong that you can do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. Help me to be here now and to make decisions that store up treasure in heaven and not on earth. Amen.