Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Question

Have you ever asked yourself the question? You know that one question that will change the trajectory of your life forever? No, I am not talking about 'will you marry me'. The question I am referring to is: 'what do I want to do'. What do I really want to do? I know this may seem somewhat laconic, but the thoughts and emotions it exudes are not simple.

In my opinion this is one of the most disarming questions you could ask yourself. How many times in your life have you sat at the cusp of a major decision and felt lost? How many times have you played mental games to answer this query? Too many to count is my response. An answer to this simple phrase consistently eludes my grasp as I undulate between other such questions as: 'what are my gifts', 'what if what I want isn't good for me', and 'what if I don't get what I want'. You may feel the same.

I also find that evading this question is a typical mechanism I use to avoid digging further into myself. If I don't have to answer such a simple question, then maybe I won't have to think about the other questions in the previous paragraph. If I don't really have huge desires or wants, then there really isn't any room to fail, right? True, but if you don't have a want then how can you actually succeed?

At this point in my life I am in the midst of this frustrating question. I am not sure what I really want. Do I want to be a teacher? Do I want to be a counselor? Do I want to be both? Do I want to attend graduate school? These questions are swirling around in my head, and as I begin to answer one, another question arises that seeks to challenge it. Trust me, it is far more frustrating than you think - or maybe you know exactly what I mean.

My encouragement to you (and to myself) is to keep the question. Do not avoid this question, ever, for the rest of your life. I think a lot of people forgot that they could have wants and desires. They are stuck in a boring job or boring relationship and they are afraid to ask 'what do I want to do'. Don't let this be you and please don't let this be me.

So....what do you want to do?

4 comments:

mishy said...

Evan,
I think it is an excellent question, and I think you are brave to sit with it. In Mark 10:46-52, Jesus asks a man a very similar question. It is one to ponder.
shalom~

mishy said...

Evan,
I think it is an excellent question, and I think you are brave to sit with it. In Mark 10:46-52, Jesus asks a man a very similar question. It is one to ponder.
shalom~

Emily said...

Glad to see you're writing again. I love to hear your thoughts.

Alanna said...

Ev, I haven't read this one yet. So well written. I didn't even know all the words you used. That is actually true I really didn't. I also wanted to point out that there is in fact a profession that you forgot to mention, but I'm sure you know what I am talking about :). Love you and I'll look forward to knowing your desicion...now and in the future