Processing the Lonesome

Yesterday was a day full of mixed feelings. It started off abruptly as I awoke 5 minutes before I had to be at the Montecito YMCA. I met the kids that I would be "counseling" for the day and we set off towards magic mountain. I learned a lot yesterday about how to discipline and love on kids at the same time. It was really cool seeing how giving them choices and allowing them the freedom to make their own decisions knowing the consequences is really empowering to them even though they may not like it. It was fun joking around with the three boys and learning more about their lives and trying to understand why what they have experienced/are experiencing with family can affect their actions and thoughts. Elyse was a great partner with the kids and on the roller-coasters. I am very thankful to her for allowing me to be in that environment and spend a day at an amusement park. I definitely felt more in my element with the kids. I know that I would love to do teaching or counseling of some sort after I graduate. But, going back to the amusement park, it was amazing. We went on Tatsu, X2, Goliath, Scream, Riddler's Revenge, and Superman. Out of them all I think Tatsu was my favorite roller-coaster.

     I used to be afraid of roller-coasters but I was thinking yesterday about the story that the grandmother gives about life and how life is boring without the roller-coasters and that it is not exciting to ride the ferris-wheel. The ferris-wheel representing a life without problems and flexibility. I can relate very much so to this story. I know that I come from a more perfect and pristine view on life. I know that perfection, avoiding mistake, etc.. come from my family and therefore embrace it when it is useful, yet hate it when the perfectionism fogs my perspective. I pray therefore, for a balance of the two. I know that life is full of surprises. Things will go wrong and according to M. Scott Peck in The Road Less Traveled, "Life is difficult." However regarding my blog post title. I remembered yesterday that life is full of sorrows as well. 

     Last night was a very lonely time as I felt insecure about who I was, guilty for all the ways that I am weak and sinful, I was worried about the future, about life after college, mostly about my relationships, I was grieving the sadnesses in my life that make me feel isolated and alone. It is not an easy thing being alone, feeling that things will change, people will move in and out of your life, things must be pushed through and not avoided. Ultimately, I know I will see the finish line. I will reach the goal to which I am called. And I try to take peace in knowing that the Work, the Lord has begun will be finished before He returns. But for now I am sad. Please pray for me and let me remeber that in order for trouble to go away or for things to change, that I must go through it, not around it.